12 wks today!

I had an ultrasound yesterday at 11wks 6days for the nuchal scan. Our little ones both passed the screening test for the neck fold measurement, so that was a relief :)

Both babies looked great-hearts beating strong, one measured exactly at 11wks6days and one a couple days ahead at 12wks2days. One was doing lots of gymnastics, so cute. The other looked as though it was sucking it's thumb. I think I've been feeling some movement in there the last week or two....little tickles or flutters. Definitely recognize it from my son's pregnancy. I don't feel it everyday though.... look forward to the regular movement in a couple months. Now that I'm 12 weeks and everything is looking so good, it's really time to take a huge sigh of relief and enjoy :)

Happy Holidays everyone!!

Baby A on left, baby B on right

Ultrasound 10wks 3days

The bleeding stopped completely today, it was brown spotting over the weekend. I called my OB on Monday and informed them about the bleed and got an ultrasound set up for today.The babies both looked great! Both measuring at 10wks6days :) It was a relief to see they were both doing well. My OB did spot a tear which she thought caused the bleed. She didn't think my exercising caused it, but to take it a little easier. She thought that the tear should resolve in the next few weeks and usually at that point tears are less likely to occur since the connection is stronger at that point. She said these tears are fairly common and didn't seem too worried about it. If I have bright red gushes again, they'll do an ultrasound to check on things... otherwise next ultrasound is the nuchal scan at 11wk6days, next Friday December 17th.


Here's two pics of my babies :)

Pregnancy Worries and Woes

I was at the mall today and felt a gush of something. It was bright red bleeding!! ughh! No cramping or pain though. It soaked my pants and I had to rush home...luckily I had dark jeans on so no one could notice the bleeding as I rushed out of the mall. Called CCRM and heard back fairly quickly. The nurse told me to rest for the weekend. It may be a tear which needs to heal. She told me to drink lots of water too. She didn't sound worried since my hormone levels even went up with the decrease of meds. P4 was 47 and E2 was about 1300. I feel sort of guilty since I started exercising this week at the gym. I've been go, go go lately too. Probably doing too much. We also DTD for the first time in a while (TMI!!) maybe my cervix got irritated from that which I was fearing. A tear scares me, so I hope it's not a tear. The bleeding eased up quickly, there's been some red spotting but no more gushes so far. Depending on how I'm feeling I may call my OB on Monday for an ultrasound next week for some reassurance and would like to see if we can locate the cause of the bleed. I had similar red bleeding with my son, so that gives me comfort that things will be ok.

In other pregnancy worries and woes. This morning I had to pee really bad, but nothing would come out! It was sort of scary at first. But I figured it was some pregnancy related thing and googled it. Turns out that in the first trimester it can be common for the uterus to compress the urethra as the uterus enlarges... especially if the uterus is retroverted (which mine is). Beyond the first trimester the uterus becomes more supported on the pelvis so this often resolves. I have noticed for the last couple weeks my pee just trickles out sometimes, it is so annoying! Oh.... the pregancy woes!

Thankful

Today my DH and I are celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary! Time sure does fly fast... can't believe we've been married ten years!! We've been thru a lot of ups and downs thru the years. The infertility has been our most difficult struggle and I am so proud of us for getting thru it together. We're more in love and have a deeper connection than we've had before. Hoping we have a lifetime of years together and we know we can make it thru the tough times, we will be okay!

So thankful today, on Thanksgiving day... thankful for our health, our supportive family and friends. Thankful for our home and our jobs. Thankful for the technology today that helped us conceive our son and our two little ones to come. Without the inventions of IVF and ICSI we would not be parents to our own biological children. We are thankful for our second RE- Dr Zouves who helped us find hope with our first successful cycle in Dec 2006 after two miserably failed cycles at a different clinic. So thankful for CCRM and Dr Schoolcraft who's helped us find success once again after 2 miscarriages and a BFN. We are so very thankful for the lab at CCRM that made all the difference for us. So thankful for opportunity to take advantage of the new CCS technology that gave us the best chance for success. I am sooo thankful we know that our little ones growing inside me are most likely chromosomally normal... gives me so much comfort that all will be ok. Very very thankful for that.

I'm thankful for my blogging friends whom I have never met IRL (well I have met a couple of you!). So thankful for your support and it's so great to talk with those who truly understand all this IF crap that we all have unfortunately endured. So thankful for the many successes that so many of you guys have had recently!! So happy for all of you! My heart aches so much for those still in that dark place of uncertainty. I am keeping those who are still struggling in my daily thoughts and prayers.... I pray that each of you find success very soon. I pray for strength for you during these difficult times. I hope everyone of us has a nice thanksgiving today no matter where they are at... I know all of us have a lot to be thankful for.

Ultrasound #2 (8wks 3days)

My ultrasound was perfect! Both babies were measuring right on track at 8wks3days and their hearts were beating strong! What a relief! My OB said I could come in for another ultrasound in 2wks or wait 3-4 weeks for the 11-12wk nuchal scan. I choose to wait... am I crazy? Maybe I'll change my mind in a few days once the excitement of today wears off and the nerves return!!!

A weeks update....

It's been one week since my first u/s. This past week I've felt pretty crappy. Tired, nagging nausea all the time. Don't know what to eat, nothing sounds good. Sometimes feel worse after eating. No throwing up, thankfully. It could be worse. I did start the vit B6 regimen that CCRM recommends for nausea. It must be helping cause I feel tons better today. But then I start to worry, cause I admit the nausea was reassuring. It's been pretty calm, no spotting at all. Today I was crampy though. I googled "crampy at 8 weeks pregnant" and found it is pretty normal. Hopefully, it's just a sign my uterus is stretching out.

I haven't heard much from CCRM. It's been a little frustrating. My e2 check at the beginning of last week was slightly low at 275, so they started me on more estrace and had me re-check it last Thursday. I never heard back. I emailed on Monday and finally got the word that it went up to 800 something. They still haven't said anything at all regarding my first u/s. I thought they'd be asking for the results if they had not received it or if they had received it a nice congrats or something would be nice?
They told me last Monday when I emailed searching for my e2 levels that they never received my u/s results. I had my OB re-fax it early this week. Still haven't heard anything! Also had my e2 and p4 checked yesterday and haven't heard anything! Hello??!! I guess they put you on the back burner when you are pregnant!

My next ultrasound is on Tuesday Nov 23. CCRM did not order this, my OB did. Again, I haven't heard anything regarding u/s from CCRM! I am a little nervous, but not nearly as nervous as the first u/s. My last miscarriage is still on my mind.... we had seen a strong heartbeat and then it was gone 2 weeks later. It was devastating. My heart has never ached so badly. It was soo painful, it is so hard to forget. I know my embies are most likely chromosomally normal so things should be ok. Another thing that's on my mind is that the babies measured 3 days behind. I know there's a margin of error, but that's in the back of my mind too. And I never found out what the actual heart rates were. My OB just said it's well over 100.

I have to admit that stupid Beer Clinic and the immunology is still on my mind. I haven't talked to them in about 2 wks. They had been monitoring my hcg levels, p4 levels, they were going to re-check my NK levels. I just disappeared one day and they haven't even called to check in on me. I'm glad they haven't called though, although a little annoyed that they haven't even checked in on me to see what's going on. I've been wanting to call them to tell them I am not doing their tests/treatments anymore...but it's just too stressful to hear them say I've put my pregnancy at risk, I just don't want to hear it. I am much more relaxed without them!!

Ultrasound results....

I was soooo soooooooo nervous for the ultrasound today. Thankfully, it was good news!!!
Double good news.....we're having twins! Two strong heartbeats!! A little overwhelmed, it will take some time to sink in. My DH was so cute- all teary eyed at the ultrasound and in the parking lot after. I'm glad he's happy about it and not totally stressed out. I am still in shock and don't feel much yet...just feel relief. So thankful we did CCS, just gives me so much comfort that things will be ok.



My next ultrasound is Tuesday Nov 23... look forward to celebrating Thanksgiving this year. We have a lot to be Thankful for. Thanksgiving also falls on our tenth anniversary this year- so it will be a very special day!

Nervous

My ultrasound is tomorrow and I am very nervous. I have no idea what we will find in there!!!???? Will it be one, two or none? Sometimes I am rooting for both of those embies to have implanted, it would be wonderful to bring two more little ones into our family. I'd love to have three kids....I think? (gulp!) I admit that I might be a little sad if only one took. I know my betas aren't super high like many of you but it's double what I had with my son- so it's a possibility. At the same time, don't want to be disappointed if there's one- because one beautiful heartbeat would be truly amazing!!

I am also scared of seeing two heartbeats...and being totally overwhelmed and scared!! Twins does scare me in many ways! I've seen devastating results than can happen due to premature birth and other birth complications since I am a pediatric nurse- I am very well aware of the risks. The pregnancy would be more worrisome, taking care of two newborns probably born early just sounds exhausting (along with my son to add!). Life as we know it would change much more drastically than if we have one more child- I'd probably have to quit my part-time job of which I love and have worked hard for.

I go back and forth of what I hope to see in there tomorrow. And the most scary thought of all is that there is no viable life in there at all...as I've said before those miscarriage scars are deep. I do keep reminding myself that with CCS (those with a doubling beta) I've read that the miscarriage rate is just 4%. That gives me a lot of hope. And when I look at the CCS chart those statistics hold true.

I just pray tomorrow that we see at least one healthy growing bean in there... and I will be so relieved!

6wks2days- waiting

Waiting for u/s which is on Friday. What scares me the most is our first miscarriage last summer where we lost a 46XY embryo. The first beta was just 41 at 14dpo... but it doubled great and was checked weekly. My local clinic at the time was not concerned about the low initial numbers since it was doubling great- normal doubling times. But at our first u/s there was no heartbeat seen. D&C showed it was 46XY... so it would have passed the CCS testing. Dr Schoolcraft thinks it was because it was slow frozen...there's a higher miscarriage rate with slow frozen embryos according to Dr Sch. The embryo was frozen on day 3 and when thawed it did have tons of dead cells. It looked dark and ugly. But why did it grow as far as it did if it was soo damaged? I'm scared that this will happen again this time. The scars are deep.

I haven't spoken to the Beer clinic since last week. I am supposed to get my hcg levels checked every three days.. I had two levels checked with them after my initial two betas at CCRM, it was reassuring. The numbers look great... but it was getting to be too nerve racking to get it checked every 3 days. What the heck would they do about it anyway? The doubling times slow down and I was obsessing to much about the numbers. They haven't called me to see why I decided not to go ahead with the IVIG and haven't called asking for my hcg levels, etc. I am trying to avoid talking to them- it was just too upsetting to hear them say I was putting my pregnancy at risk by not doing all of their treatment. Maybe I'll call them after my u/s to let them know I will not be coming back! Unfortunately, the Beer Clinic is still in the back of my mind. I have let it go for the most part and I feel at peace with my decision. But the awful things that they have said still haunt me.

I burst out into tears as I was driving this morning- mostly tears of happiness for so many of my blogging friends and ladies on the threads. Each has been thru difficult times to get where they are today- I am just so happy for all of the success that's been happening lately. It just brings so much joy to my heart. My heart does ache for those that are still struggling. It was a mixture of feelings this morning that brought on the tears.... my thoughts and prayers are with all of you thru the good times and bad.

Update

So I had the T-reg levels re-checked and got the results back today. Of course the levels are now lower at 0.4 from o.5 (they want 0.7) So now they really want me to treat it!

I've been searching and reading and trying to decide what to do. My decision is NOT to treat this. The nurse said the IVIG might not even bring up the levels (but it would still help?). There's an immunology support forum for this clinic on yahoo and from searching around, it looks like the IVIG does not help bring up the levels for most. So then they'd be recommending another infusion in a few weeks! There's just no way I am spending $5000 on two infusions. The nurse I talked to the other day said that the t-reg levels CAN be higher in the uterus than the blood... so it can be ok but they like to treat it anyway if it's low in the blood.

I've asked some of the other Dr's on SIRM's discussion board and it seems the consensus is that immune treatments are questionable....especially this one. And I am wondering why the Beer clinic didn't test this level BEFORE my transfer if it's such a concern for them. Low levels are supposed to interfere with implantation. My levels were probably low at time of implantation and it didn't interefere!

Dr Schoolcraft told me not to do any immune testing/treatment, he told me to ignore it..I keep reminding myself of that. And look at the success rates with CCS normals!!
I think everything will be ok. I hope!

Immunology Update #2

So I thought it over this weekend about whether to treat these "T-Regulatory" cells or not. I asked Dr Sher on the SIRM discussion board and he does not think I need to worry. He said that even though he strongly believes in immune issues, he would not treat this. That makes me feel better.

On Monday the AEB Clinic (Alan E Beer) asks me what my decision is and I tell them that I probably will not treat it, they tell me my pregnancy is at risk. Which is a very scary thing to hear! I am in tears hearing someone say this I asked to speak with the Dr... but that's another $300, so I decided not to. I spoke with a different nurse instead who thought it was reasonable for me to get it re-tested since my levels are borderline. So I went to the clinic yesterday and ended up again in tears as the nurse seems to think I am putting my pregnancy at risk. I told her that these tests are very controversial, especially this new "t-reg" test. I probably went a little too far and said that Schoolcraft doesn't believe in any of your tests and treatments. Another nurse heard me and said she's never seen a successful pregnancy with a progesterone level under 8. Mine was 6 the other day. The nurse called me with this doomed sound in her voice because of my "dangerously low" progesterone level. I explained and explained that the suppositories don't show the levels in the blood. But they just disagree. I trust CCRM on this, I've seen plenty of ladies just on suppositories with lower levels. As long as it's >5, it's ok. I started PIO anyway for other reasons and my progesterone level was 49.0 on Friday.

I think these AEB clinic nurses are quite annoyed with me and think I am crazy for putting my pregnancy at risk. They keep reminding me that they are experts in this field- they are "reproductive immunologists" where Dr's like Schoolcraft are just IVF Drs. I just think they are so extreme with some of their tests and treatments and refuse to waste $2500 for one infusion that I probably do not need. But their comments to scare me- what if they are right? I would do anything not to lose this pregnancy. We've worked so hard to get where we are. I really hope the levels come back normal and I won't have to worry about it anymore.

Immunology Update

I've had some tests run since the immunology clinic (Alan E Beer Clinic) is following my immunology. They ran an hcg level today- it's 3428!! wahoo! Still doubling at 34hrs! That was a relief! They rechecked my NK and Cytokine levels. All looks good! One test they are doing is somewhat new is called "T-reg". Mine is slightly low at 0.5. They want above 0.7. Since it's low they recommend IVIG which is very expensive! Ughhh! I am not sure I even believe in it. I need to do some research on it this weekend and decide what to do. I know for sure what Dr Schoolcraft would say. The Beer Clinic does not believe in intralipids so that's not an option, unfortunately. I just hate to pay so much for an IVIG infusion if it's really not necessary. I sort of regret even going to the Beer clinic since now I am worrying about this and there's a good chance I should not be worrying. Ughh. Maybe I'll have them re-check the t-regs again and maybe it will be within normal range. I hope!

The Beer clinic also wants my progesterone levels >20. Mine is 12 on suppositories but I explained to them that suppositories show lower levels in the blood. But they still don't like it... I am not sure if it's the nurse that doesn't completely understand. She thinks my progesterone is dangerously low. I switched to PIO so it should go up and meet their expectations at my next check anyway.

They also ran my TSH level and it's gone up. Which I'm not surprised since for me it's always gone up with pregnancy. My last check was at 0.93 (about two weeks before transfer) on 88mcg/daily. And now it's 3.0! So it looks like they'll up my dose.

Nothing new....

Nothing new happening here...hoping my embie(s) are still growing??! I just feel normal, don't feel pregnant at all. Maybe a little more tiredness, occasional nausea feeling (very mild), occasional heartburn. No crampiness, maybe an occasional twinge...maybe? For the most part...nothing!

I switched my progesterone to PIO. I was on Endometrin which was about $165 per box of 21! So that's $165/week! I think that's ridiculous, so I changed over to PIO which actually- believe it or not, I like one shot a day better than remembering 3xs a day to put the suppository in. Plus it's so messy and gross!

My ultrasound appointment is set up for Novemeber 12th! Seems so far away! 2 weeks from today..I will be 6wks6days!!

Second beta is.....

Second beta is 476!!!! Doubling time 35!! Very happy and relieved... can take a deeper sigh of relief for now. Will be nervous as it gets closer to u/s day... Since with our last two pregnancies everything went great with the doubling betas but things didn't end well. I do feel more confidence with CCS tested embryos, so thankful we chose to do this testing.

Getting darker 11dp5dt

Today is beta day #2. I've been feeling pretty much nothing at most times of the day...so I don't feel pregnant at all. So for some reassurance I took an HPT this morning....and I was pleased to see that the test line is now darker than the reference line :) Will keep you all posted on beta #2!!

Beta number is....

Beta is 181. Not super high. But strong, especially with my history of lower numbers. Hoping for doubling numbers for Monday!!! Progesterone is 12.9 (they look for >5 with supppositories). If on PIO they look for higher values. The nurse explained to me that the suppositories show lower levels in the blood than PIO.

As far as symptoms:
5dp5dt- started to feel "different" yucky- tired, nauseated at times, back ache, crampy- a heaviness in the uterine area. Also headachy and a weird taste in my mouth. Not sure why it's all disappeared... concerns me a bit. But I do know that symptoms can come and go in pregnancy and it's also totally normal to have no symptoms what so ever especially this early in pregnancy. So for all of you obsessing out there... it's just hard to know either way. With my last cycle, I thought for sure I had all sorts of symptoms....but it was a BFN. With my son, I remember not feeling anything at all. It's so hard not to obsess though... thinking of all of you in the 2ww and those getting ready for transfer! The "2WW" is dreadful... hang in there!! I'm sure I'll be seeing lots more BFPs soon!!

Beta day!!

I wanted to test with my first morning urine....but I was up late last night since I was at work and probably drank too much before bedtime. I woke up at 4am having to pee really bad, collected my urine in a cup, but it looked so dilute that I was afraid to test. I was also panicking since all "symptoms" of pregnancy I seemed to be have all disappeared. (another reason I was afraid to test).
So I held my urine for four hours- went to get my blood drawn and when I got back I tested...my urine still looked pretty dilute but tested anyway.



That's the best line I've had at 14dpo!!! Although, my last two beta's were only about 40!! With my son it was 116 and we had a second sac too. Looks like we'll get a strong number...So happy and relieved!!

5dp5dt POAS?

I'm 5dp5dt, beta is on Saturday. I've decided not to POAS. Even if it is positive I will obsess over the line. It would be nice to start celebrating now but I can wait a couple more days...4 more days to go! And I have a history of low betas so there could not even be much of a line at this point even if two stuck. Although I may POAS on Friday morning- I should see something by then if it's positive. We'll see if I get the guts to do it. As far as symptoms- on Saturday (2dpt) evening I started feeling "gaggy". But I think I felt that with my last BFN cycle. I have been feeling kinda yucky (tired, headachy, backache, gaggy at times). But who knows.. I think I had these symptoms with my last BFN.

My babies

Here's the pic of my babies-

One fully hatched from it's shell :) Looks like the other one is hatching!!! I can't stop looking at the picture!!! So happy they were continuing to expand and grow!!!

Bedrest completed- 2dp5dt

Yay! I am done with bedrest! I was going to go all alone but so glad I brought my best friend's mom- "D". We chatted a lot, watched movies, she read a book while I got on the internet :) She helped a lot so I was able to follow those detailed bedresting instructions! (I was surprised to see how strict they are!!) D's like a second mom to me and she said she was honored that I asked her. She really thought it was special to be in the transfer room to see my little embies she said just as special as seeing her granddaughter being born in August. (an IVF baby by the way) Thankfully I had her there to take some pictures. (which I will add once she emails them to me today :)) Can't wait to share the picture of my babies to you all!!

D left very early this morning so now I am on my own. My flight isn't until 430pm so I have some time to kill. I am allowed to resume "normal light activity" so I will head to the mall for some lunch and take it easy. I'm excited since my southwest flight will have Wifi!! It's a new thing Southwest has on some flights :) The internet will keep me occupied for my 2.5hrs flight..

As far as sypmtoms, I know it's way to early. Even beta day is too early! But I'll just document what I've felt...which is pretty much nothing but pretty crampy very early this morning around 4am. But that's gone now. Could be though that since I added in 2mg estrace daily that that can be causing some crampiness. Ughhh... the dreaded 2WW (actually 9 day wait!!!!)

I'm PUPO!!!!!

Well, I'm PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise)! The transfer went well. Everything went so smoothly. I chose to do the pre and post acupuncture at the clinic. It was very nice and relaxing, I'm glad I did it :) The embryos thawed well- 100% survival for both.
Dr. Schoolcraft said they looked beautiful and looked like fresh embryos :) Yay! One looked like it was completely hatched and the other was hatching or starting to hatch. I'll add the pictures when I get home!!! The transfer was painless and I was suprised at how quick and easy it was. I am so thankful for such a smooth transfer and that our embryos thawed so well and started to re-expand and hatch. Couldn't have gone any better...

A nice weekend...

We had a nice weekend. Every year in October we go to see the airshow in the city called "Fleet Week" in San Francisco. It's usually beautiful weather in October in the city and it's fun to walk around the city and watch the airplanes fly above :) My son was really into it this year which was so cute.

Since we were in the city (we live about an hour south) and have some good friends who just had their first baby late August... so we stopped by to see the baby. This is a donor egg baby, so the type of baby I don't mind visiting. Not because it's donor egg, but they've been thru IVF and we're just so happy for them. They've been thru a long struggle and she was so depressed. They seem so happy! She's in her early forties and tried with her own eggs once but then moved on to donor eggs. Their baby is adorable... :)

Then today, we visited some other friends who also have an IVF baby. We actually met this couple because friends of ours introduced them to us since they were embarking on IVF for the first time about two years ago. They wanted to meet with us to talk about our IVF experience. They have become close friends and we both went thru a two miscarriages together around the same time. We've been a nice support for each other. She went on to have a baby this September and we're just so happy for them. Their baby is just adorable too :)

It was a bit easier seeing these adorable newborns knowing that my transfer is set and I'm finally on my way. I feel like we have such a good chance for this to work out. I know I can get pregnant and carry successfully. I've been pregnant three times now and feel like we have good explanations to why we lost those pregnancies. Of course, there's no guarantee...and I will be scared as ever as we approach those last few days before beta. I can't wait to get there and pick up our little ones on Thursday!!

Got the green light.....

Got the green light today... transfer is a go!! Lining was 9.2mm triple stripe!! Yay!
Bloodwork was good e2 305 (they want >300), LH 6 (<15) and progesterone was low 0.2! We're on our way! Leave for CO Wednesday! I'm so excited and hopeful but so nervous and scared at the same time!!

Prepping for transfer...

Not much new happening here, been prepping for transfer- getting levels rechecked and making sure I'm ready to go.....up to 3 patches now and hoping they are doing their thing! So interesting how medication can be delivered thru a sticker. I've seen it before as a nurse (such as fentanyl patches for pain or the nicotine patches for smokers)... it's just strange. I hope they are working!

I had my thyroid levels rechecked on Monday.. TSH level came out as 0.93. So it's a good level! My last check was about 2.0 just before stimms. So I'm happy that my levels are under control. I'm on 88mcg/daily. Also taking 1 injection of lovenox daily since I have factor 2 prothrombin mutation. I hate those shots- they sting!! Ouch! And bruise! My poor belly is so ugly from the bruises and patches :(

I know Dr Sch thinks it's all hocus pocus, but I went to the Beer Clinic to get my NK and cytokine levels re-checked. Just for peace of mind. I already did their huge work up last January so I figured I might as well get checked. All tests are normal, so no treatments needed, my immune system is under control and I am cleared for transfer. They will re-check my levels with positive pregancy. They are treating me with 1 mg dexamethasone daily since I'm ANA+, I started that on cycle day 6.

I booked my hotel, flights and car. All of these can be cancelled without a fee....will find out Friday if I'm cleared for transfer!

FET: First check

This stuff is all new to me since I"ve never done a medicated FET. I have done lots of IVFs but only one FET. Last summer I did a natural FET where I was monitored for my natural ovulation and then transferred 4 days after (day 3 slow frozen embryos).

Today I had my first check since starting the patches on Monday...they wanted E2 to be at least 50. Mine was 70, so that's good. I guess? Next step is to ramp up the patches from 2 to 3 to 4 patches.

I've never had lining issues (it's always 10-12mm and triple stripe) but got a little concerned when I read a blog where she had no triple pattern and it may have been due to a period that was just spotting- as if it didn't slough off all the lining? And some old lining was there underneath a new lining? Or something like that? My period was definitely just spotting this time..barely even spotting. Ughh! I hope it doesn't make my lining form incorrectly. I emailed the nurse and she said "it should develop normally". I guess I'll just have to hope for the best. One more thing to worry about!

Next check is on Friday- to check my lining where they look for at least 8mm and a triple pattern. Also will have my hormone levels checked- they want E2 to be >300 at that point and the progesterone and LH levels to show that I am not surging (especially since I am not on lupron)! Hope I pass all the checks and get the go ahead for transfer on Oct 14th.

Getting Started!!

I had an u/s and bloodwork today. My lining is very thin, estrogen and progesterone are low. So I started the patches today! I guess that was probably my period afterall. They wanted me to start patches on day 1 of full flow bleeding... but I never had a full flow. So now there's even more of a risk of me ovulating too soon since I'm starting the patches on day 4. But since I tend to ovulate late I should be OK. But there is that risk. If I ovulate and get cancelled I will convert back to the lupron protocol but then transfer would be mid November!

For now transfer is Oct 14th and hoping for the best...

Cycle day 35

Still no AF, very minimal spotting and EWCM...ughh! I am so sick of this waiting! I've been feeling pretty down about this lack of ovulation and waiting. It sucks. Seems like everyone that had ERs after me are passing me up with their transfers. Just feels like it's never going to happen. It's really driving me nuts. The couple times I thought I had seen my LH surge or when I thought AF had showed... my mood changed completely. I just want to know what's going on and hate being in a standstill with no moving forward what so ever! This is definitely testing my patience.

The nurse I talked to on Thursday advised that I go in on Monday for and ultrasound to see what's going on in there. I hope to get an appt for Monday morning.

A girl on the CCRM girls thread on the Fertility Forums got her BFP today and I was so excited since she has the same grade embryos as we plan to transfer. She also did CCS and transferred a 5BA and a 4BB....her beta is looking very strong. Gives me so much hope since some of the ladies on the other threads all have perfect 5AAs and it hasn't been making me feel very good about our embies lately. I know there are many pregnancies with less than perfect embryos since I've obsessed over the CCS chart on IVFC and any other CCS results I can find on Fertility Forums. Gives me hope that at least one of ours will stick!!

Cycle day 34

I thought for sure AF was coming... but no AF. It's very light spotting now sometiems bright red sometimes more brown/red. I've been crampy at times... so it feels like it's coming but my poor body is so confused. Even seen some EWCM... so who knows what's going on.

I talked with the nurse yesterday and she said keep watching for an LH surge (nothing yet) and keep waiting for a full flow. If I get a full flow- start the patches. If I get an LH surge, well it looks like I'll ovulate... update the nurse and get a progesterone check 7 days later. If no LH surge or full flow by Monday then get an u/s to look at the lining and bloodwork. If the lining is thin..I could start the patches. If not, then maybe induce AF depending on how the bloodwork looks. Ughh. I've been tempted to go in and get an u/s this weekend. But maybe I'll just wait until Monday..

Cycle day 33

Found out yesterday that my LH and progesterone tests from Monday show I did not surge or ovulate. Progesterone was low at 0.2 and LH was 13. Unless we caught the beginning of my surge, but I don't think so since I am spotting now... it looks like AF is coming.

My nurse says I can just start the patches once AF comes. That puts me back at my original FET date around Oct 11! I guess there is more of a risk that I can ovulate on this protocol since we're skipping the lupron completely. Ughh! Something I will have to worrry about. I asked her how risky is this- she said 5% chance I'd ovulate. But I think I'll still worry.

Still waiting for AF, there's lots of brown spotting and some red spotting too..I feel that AF feeling, so I think it's on it's way. If I get a full flow before 5pm I will start the patches today.

Cycle day 30!

Today is cycle day 30 and I think I'm surging for ovulation! I've been testing every single day hoping to see a +opk since about day 14. This is getting old... and discouraging. I thought maybe I had a positive last week on Thursday... but the line was slightly lighter than the control. These last few days it's been almost there but not quite. Today is the first day it's exactly the same as the control line maybe even a little darker. Maybe I'm FINALLY ovulating!???

I had my blood drawn today for LH and progesterone, I didn't do it STAT so I won't have to pay for it and the results aren't needed today. Tomorrow, I'll get the bloodwork results- hopefully we'll have an idea of what my body is doing. I really hope it shows I am surging. If so, I would go next Monday and get my progesterone checked which should be >5 if I ovulated. Then a week later get AF, once AF starts I can start the patches. Looks like transfer is probably around Oct 27-29. Hopefully!

Regroup Update

I had my regroup today with Dr Schoolcraft. He does make me nervous at first...he's so quiet and dry. I do like him more in person cause you can see his body language. I liked him a lot in person, actually. He does warm up to you after a few minutes of talking.

I asked him how many should we transfer- he said most do two since it's just so much effort at this point but he said we could transfer one if we want. I asked if he'd recommend three (I wouldn't but just curious).. but he said no, only in older ladies he sometimes recommends 3 CCS normals.

Next, I asked which ones he'd recommend for transfer (although I think I know the answer). He says the embryologist decides this. We talked about the quality and he said he sees lots of pregnancies with the quality we have, of course a perfect AA embryos would be better but it doesn't mean it won't work with the ones we have. He sounded positive :)

Lastly, I asked about immune issues specifically NKs. He doesn't believe in this and said there's a large study that just came out that proves they are irrelevant. He said do not worry about the NKs and do not treat them. It's "hocus pocus". He says the Beer Clinic should be out of business and they're stealing our money. Ughh! We've wasted a lot of money on these immune treatments I guess. Although, I have to say- some of it is relevant such as APAs and any clotting issues which Dr Sch agreed.

I asked about our loss last summer of a 46xy. He thinks we lost it because it was slow frozen. He says slow frozen embryos have a higher chance of miscarriage. How sad...we lost a little boy snowbaby due to the way it was frozen. But that was the only technology available at the time (2006). Technology sure has improved in the last four years since we started this proccess! It's amazing!!!

Overall, he sounded positive for our chances for success with our little snowbabies :)

Looks like I'm going to surge soon, finally!! My test this morning was almost +. Hopefully I'll get a + tonight or tomorrow morning.... and we'll be on our way!! My guess transfer would be around Oct 25th since I'm about 2 weeks behind.

Cycle day 24

0.2! That's my progesterone level today. Again, I as not surprised since I have not seen an LH surge. UGhh. Another looooong cycle. Last cycle I surged on day 28, I can only hope I do this time too. I would be soo happy!

Next check is Monday. We will see where I'm at (also checking LH). If it doesn't look like I'll ovulate then they will induce a period. I asked about going into a natural FET, but my lining may not be so good since this is such a long cycle. But it's something we can ask Dr Sch about. I get to talk to him this Thursday, so I can ask more about my options then.

I'm at at least 2 weeks delayed at this point. If I'm lucky enough to ovulate on cycle day 28 then I'd be about 2 weeks delayed. Maybe my DH will get to come along afterall and that would be nice :)

Not so good...

My progesterone check was not so good. Level is 0.3. So no sign of ovulation. I pretty much knew that. I can only hope I'll ovulate on cycle day 28 like last month. I just hope I ovulate at all so I can move on. I'm sure my FET date is now at least a week later...and my guess it's probably two weeks later than originally scheduled at best.
Ughh. I know you can all relate. I just wish I could be on BCP, then this issue would have been solved. I did ask the nurse again if I would be able to be fit into the schedule, she said yes...they will find a spot for me no matter when it comes. They want me to go in on Tuesday to check again. These STAT progesterone checks are OOP and add up. What a waste of money. Maybe I'll ask on Monday if I could do a non-STAT check. Then it would be free thru my insurance. I hate throwing money down the drain. I've done enough of that this year!!

Cycle day 21

This morning I went in for my progesterone check. If it's >5 I can proceed with lupron.
I'm pretty confident it will not be >5. I don't think I've ovulated. At least that's what those stupid OPKs tell me. Maybe I missed my surge? I hope so. Last month I didn't get a surge until cycle day 28!!! I won't be surprised if my cycle is a mess this month since I just came out of a fresh cycle. So frustrating! I hear the calendar is booking up, which makes me nervous if my cycle is totally off. The nurse says once you're on the schedule, they'll squeeze you in somehow... I hope so.

I guess I'll hear back this afternoon to get an idea of what's going on...

Cycle day 17...

I've been OPKing these last few days since I am on cycle day 17 today. No sign of a surge yet. I think that means my FET will be at least a few days later than planned. Hopefully I'll get a surge soon and I won't be too off track. It's definitely not as stressful as planning a fresh cycle, so I am not stressed about it...yet!

My regroup appointment is set up for September 16th. I guess we'll discuss our CCS results and our transfer plans. I'm afraid to ask our % chance for success...cause I know Dr Schoolcraft tends to underestimate your chances and I don't want to be bummed out.

My other concern is immune issues. But I already know his answer on that..."it's hocus pocus". I may have the Beer Clinic treat me for immune issues just for peace of mind and a precaution, and I've already done the whole work up with them. We lost a normal embryo last summer and I just don't know why...all I know is that my natural killer cells elevated and I had no treatment for it. I do realize that not all normals take- But I don't want any regrets. This is it for us...

CCS results are in!!!!

Well, I did get a nice birthday surprise! Three of our five are normal!! Our abnormals are the two from day 6...the 3AB and the 4AB. My nurse thought these were our best ones. Bummer!! The normals are all of the days fives.... 5BA, 4BB, and 3BB. Nice to know that if we had not done CCS we probably would have transferred the two abnormals and got a big fat negative! Or a heartbreaking miscarriage. So thankful that CCS saved us from that happening.

I am hopeful and happy with our results. Of course I wanted more and the normal ones to be our best embryos. My guess is we'll transfer two since none of ours are perfect AAs. It's nice to have at least one extra in case there are issues with thawing and re-expanding... comforting to have a back up embie!

The next step is to talk with Dr Schoolcraft about our results. I will set up an appointment today. My progesterone check is on 9/11 to see if I'm ready for lupron (progesterone has to be >5). Then wait for AF and start the patches once AF shows up... I have a feeling this will all be later than the estimated dates though!

My Birthday Wish....

Today is my Birthday, and I'm sure you all know what I am wishing for! It would be great to get my CCS results today and get an amazing report. But I guess as long as I have a healthy baby in my arms at this time next year my wish will have come true.

It's a bummer that I am not really up for doing much this year for my birthday. I am just not in the mood. I told my husband not to plan anything, do not want to have a party of any sort. We will probably go out to dinner tonight since my in-laws are coming today to visit for four days from out of town. It's a bummer that IF robs you of good times, it steals good memories that I should have of today and even this past year. I look back on this year and it is not all that good. Two miscarriages another failed IVF cycle...so much heartache and pain. Been avoiding friends and parties, not my usual self. Taken less pictures of myself and family. I feel like it's been a year wasted of my life and even my son has suffered, which is so sad.

I hope and pray that this year my wish comes true and we can move on with our lives with our family complete. All the money, materials things do not matter.... I would be so happy and so content, couldn't want more in life than that.

Waiting.......

Waiting for my CCS phone call. Thursday is exactly two weeks from day 6 biopsy. I think I'll really start to get nervous on Wednesday. Who knows when they'll call....maybe not even until next week!!?? I had a dream last night that I had NO normals :( I woke up and was so glad it was just a dream.

I finally talked with my DH about the FET plans (we had only conversed on email). He's okay with me going on my own. It was good to talk and be in agreement for our plans. I asked my best friend's mom if she could go with me, since my mom will be out of town on vacation and my mother in law will be home watching our son. My best friend's mom is like a second mom to me, we're really close. (my best friend passed away a few years ago). I think she was touched that I asked her. It would be nice to have someone there with me at the transfer and to help me afterward. It sounds like she can go... it all depends on the dates. Which I won't know for sure until late September.

FET in October!

I wrote DH a note today explaining why I thought it was best if I go out there on my own. He agreed this was a good idea, although I know he really wants to be there by my side during the transfer. He always has been in the past. It will be weird to be there all alone for the transfer and it may make me a little sad... but doing IVF out of state is complicated, so this may be the best option. There is a possibility that DH won't be as busy as he thought and he could fly out for the day to be there. But at least he won't have the pressure of having to go in case he's stressed at work.

Now it's just hoping we have some normals! I feel hopeful we'll at least have 2 normals... but at times I worry that we'll have none or just one. It's one week exactly today since day 6 biopsy. And two weeks exactly is my Birthday!! Ahhh! As it gets closer to the 2 week mark next week...I'll be more and more nervous awaiting the call!!

FET planning

I talked with my back up nurse, Tonie, yesterday. I love her...she is so helpful. I asked her if I could stretch out the transfer date for 2 more weeks with patches- she said "no", only up to 6 days. I asked about the FET without BCP (I did beg for BCP first!-but again answer is "no").....the date is dependent on my next AF since I cannot start patches until it has come. I also inquired about an natural FET, she said the Dr's prefer medicated for scheduling but you can do a natural FET. September is already booked up and it's a little too soon for me, even though I'm anxious to have a transfer, I am really looking forward to this break. But not tooo long of a break!

So the plan is to either wait till November with DH. Or keep my Oct 11 date and go there on my own. I think I may go on my own. I did ask Tonie if other patients do this, and she said many do. I would just need to use a service that picks me up from transfer since I would not be allowed to drive afterward. Going on my own sounds really nice, actually.... relaxing without DS...much less stressful for me which I think is really important. My DH wants to go visit our friends and we'd stay at their house and bring our DS along. Travelling with a 3yr old is not relaxing! I still have to discuss this option further with DH. I didn't bring it up last night, think I'd give that discussion a break for a couple days. Hopefully, he'll agree to it. I know he wants to be there, and has for every transfer we've done, but doing this out of state is more complicated. So, hopefully he'll agree and we can keep our transfer date!

Bummed

I heard from my nurse this evening....she gave me my date for my FET! Monday, Oct 11th!!! I thought it was a perfect date, we could go out to Colorado the weekend before and hang out with our friends who live there and then go for transfer on Monday. DH could even fly out that evening and get back to work since things will be busy for him. Talked with DH tonight and he said "no". He says he's too busy with work at that time. Ughh!

Is there any flexibility with this FET protcol? Like stretching it out two more weeks with patches? or will I just need to wait a whole month? I am soo bummed. I wish I could just go without DH, but that wouldn't feel right. I know he wants to be there. I also wish he'd be willing to fly out for just one day! But "no"! I'm going to call my nurse tomorrow to see what other options there are. Even if I could convince him to keep this transfer date, if my ovulation is late or AF is late it would push everything back a few days right? Then it would not work at all for DH anyway since he is going out of town for business. Do they ever let you do a natural FET? The other problem may be that the nurse said FET dates are booking up, so she wanted to get me on the schedule. Even if they'd let us do a natural FET, DH has other work conflict around that time! I'm afraid that transfer may not be until early/mid November... I am soo bummed.

Emotional and obsessing...

AF came today....nine days after egg retrieval. I've been super emotional and have been crying a lot these last two days and DH and I have had a few arguments! I think the huge hormone drop has taken its toll on me... I also ended up with a yeast infection (which i never get-ick!!)

At least I can look forward to talking with my nurse about my FET calendar :) Does anyone know the typical FET timeline? I probably won't be allowed to take BCP (due to factor 2)... so I'm also wondering what the protocol will look like? How much flexibility is there with the dates? Last time I did an FET we just followed my natural surge... But it was local, so it was okay but still up in the air waiting for ovulation.

I've been obsessing over my embryo grades these last few days. Realizing I have no AAs!! How significant is AA vs BB? And 3 vs 4? Does it matter that much? One more thing to worry about!! The chart on IVF connections does give me hope since it appears that many 3bbs and 4bbs can make a baby!! I am thankful for that chart, it is very encouraging... Looks like most ladies have at least half normals. And even if I ony end up with one normal, it looks like we'd have a decent chance!! Although I really really hope for at least 2-3 normals.

Feeling better...

I'm feeling soooo much better as far as the bloating goes. What a relief!!! Feeling like myself again!! I look forward to using this time off to get back in shape and lose a few of these IF pounds! I swear I've gained almost ten pounds!! Ughh!

I've had some time to absorb our results and I feel happy about it. Dr schoolcraft predicted we'd get 5-6 blasts! He really is a wizard.... he got that one right!

I was not expecting 19 fertilized embryos in the first place... Was really expecting around 12ish fertilized at most which would have given us 5-6 blasts normally. I wonder if it's a blessing we did have 19 or we'd have even less blasts?? Or if the reason we have less than average is a result of getting sooo many eggs therefore the quality of others were compromised? Who knows... Maybe i just have low quality eggs? Or it's all a result if male factor? Or a combo of the two?? I don't think we'll ever really know. I just hope and pray we get at least 2-3 normals in there!!! And we can be DONE with this. (well no matter what I think we're done anyway)!

For now, I'm waiting on AF and look forward to calling my nurse on cycle day 1 to get my calendar. Hoping we can transfer in early October?? Looks like we should recieve our CCS results around my Birthday which is exactly two weeks from day 6. Hope my Birthday wish comes true!!!!

Day 6 Results are in.....

Just got the call a little while ago.. All sorts of thoughts were going thru my head... do we have any? Will we just have 2? Will we have 12 blasts and we will be knocked out of the park? Our results were below average for what they'd expect from 19 fertilized... we have 5 high quality blasts.

Day 5:
5BA
4BB
3BB

Day 6:
4AB
3AB

A little disappointed considering we so many to start with (I was hoping for around 8 blasts) but really didn't know what to expect... We're very thankful for the ones we do have... and this is a great improvement for us considering we only made one high quality blast of 12 fertilized in our last cycle. It's not like we want many more children anyway, but it's nice to have a back up in case a transfer does not work. Also- the more you have, the more likely there are normals in there.

Now another wait begins!! I hope we have at least 2-3 normals!!

edit to add: We did have one other blast that was graded 4CC, but not quality enough for CCS testing. Also- FYI... all of our 19 embryos started dividing, 13 were >6 cells on day 3. I also asked about the other 3 immature eggs... they were too immature to do a day 2 ICSI.

Day 6: Nervous!

Today is the day! I'm really nervous to hear if any or how many made it to blast for CCS testing. This has always been our challenge, getting good quality embryos that have grown well. It could be amazing results, it could be good or okay results or could be very disappointing results. I have no idea!! The outcome today will really give us a good idea if this is going to work out for us or not.

I will be carrying my phone close by all day anxiously awaiting the call!!!!

Sooo bloated!

I've done quite a few IVF cycles now, and I have never been sooo bloated. I am not kidding when I say that I look 4-5 months pregnant. I feel ok, but the bloating is getting really annoying. I am drinking fluids like they instructed me to, eating salty foods. Actually, tired of eating junk and don't want gain weight from eating bad... like potato chips and french fries!! Well, actually I haven't been eating either of those...trying to think of healthier salty alternatives.

Is this bloating normal?? When will the bloating go down? I know it hasn't even been a week. I am trying to be patient, but this is seriously bad bloating.

It's interesting because my previous RE would put you on a fluid restriction of about 1 liter/day to prevent OHHS and instructed to only drink gatorade or propel (no water or other fluids). But everywhere else says drink a lot of fluids. So crazy about the huge difference in opinions there. I never had a problem with bloating at my previous RE. I just want this to go away!!!

Day 4: Grow embies!! Grow!!

Everyday since fertilization report I've been thinking of our embabies and where they should be at with development. Hoping a good number of them are growing strong. I love this diagram of the embryo development.... grow embies!! Grow!!

We're home!

We arrived home yesterday evening, it's nice to be home :) I was pretty happy all day considering we had a better fertilization report than we've ever had and we have so many embryos. But now the worry sets in....all of our past failures haunt me. We've had moments like this where it seems like the cycle is going perfect and most of the time it has not ended well.

I keep thinking about what Dr Schoolcraft said about >20 eggs can not be a good thing. Hoping that even though we did have a lot of eggs, somehow we'll still get good results. Hoping the lab and supplements I took make a difference for us. One thing I do think is that it was better for my egg quality to be on less total stimm drugs than my previous cycle where we got lots of eggs. For the MDL cycle, I was on 4,050 units of FSH in addition to the LH that the MDL causes you body to make as well. In previous cycles we've had better quality embryos (and one success) and been on less total amounts of stimm drugs...about 3,000 U total. With my CCRM cycle, I was on 2,700 U of drugs. Not sure if this makes a difference, but I really think my eggs were just fried for my last cycle....it was just way too aggressive. I guess, I am just trying to think of anything that may help us get better results for Thursday... I keep thinking about our last cycle..we were sooooo happy to have 12 fertilized eggs and then they were all crappy quality on day 5 except ONE (out of TWELVE). If we have the same results, we may have TWO good ones for CCS testing!!

I keep reminding myself we are at the best lab in the US... and I've been searching for stories where ladies have had >20 eggs retrieved and still had amazing results at CCRM. These stories give me so much hope.

Fertilization Report is in!!

Just got our fertilization report! Much better than my previous results!! 30 eggs, 27 mature, 19 fertilized!!! We've never had such good fertilization... our best being at 60%. They will call on Thursday with the day 6 results... the embryologist said that at least 30% should make it to blast, but hopefully more!! So far this is the best results we've ever had!! Hoping for some good quality blasts for biopsy. We're cautiously optimistic!

Egg Retrieval Update

We had 30 eggs retrieved today! I'm worried about having so many since Dr Schoolcraft told us that >20 eggs can compromise quality. I am not sure why I got soo many eggs this time. If you look at my history with the long lupron cycle, I usually got around 17 total. My most recent failed IVF cycle we did an aggressive protocol called MDL and we got 28 eggs. I was not on an agressive protocol this time, although I did start out with an aggressive dose. I wonder if the saizen contributed to my over response! And my nurse not giving me the correct insruction to drop my dose! Hopefully the saizen will help the quality, and the lab, and the supplements I took. Ughh! Hoping we end up with some good quality eggs/embryos. My E2 was 4800 yesterday.. I'm guessing around 20 mature eggs? John the embryologist said we'll hear mid morning regarding our fert report.... with so many eggs I am not as worried about this report but more worried about getting a good number of quality blasts.

Last time when we had 28 eggs, 20 were mature 12 fertilized and we only had ONE perfect blast (and it was still BFN). The rest were all crap. But of course this was at different lab. Please pray for our fert report and embryos!! Thanks for all of your comments, thoughts and prayers!!

Trigger tonight!!

I will trigger tonight at 10pm! Egg retrieval is set for 9am on Friday!!

Here's my follicle counts for this mornings ultrasound:

Left:20,19,19,18,18,17,17,17 (these are the largest of 14-16 follicles on this side)
Right:19,18,18,18,16,16,15 (these are the largest of 12-14 follicles on this side)

E2 is 4154 (from 3800 yesterday)

Stim Day 9 Update

I finally heard from the nurse it was about 6pm! She said my estrogen levels are high (3800) and they want me to take luveris (LH only) tonight, so I had to quickly drive to the clinic to go get some. They said this will nurture the follicles but not increase my E2 so much like gonal f or menopur which also has some FSH. She said my follicles would die without it (since I am coasting)! They also said they want me to do a freeze all, but we are already planning on that anyway. I have an u/s and bloodwork tomorrow. I may or may not trigger tomorrow???

Coasting!

Today I went in for another ultrasound and bloodwork after 7 days of stimming (the morning of my 8th day). The nurse thinks we'll get about 15 mature eggs. Here's my follicle sizes:

R side- 17, 16, 15, 15, 14, 13, 13
L side- 16, 15, 15, 14, 14, 14, 14, 13

There are up to 28 follicles total but the one's listed are the one's that are the largest.

E2 is 2480, so my instructions are to take 0 Gonal F tonight and 0 menopur tomorrow!!! The nurse said the follicles will still grow and I'll either trigger tomorrow or Wednesday!! I thought I'd stim slow and steady so I'm a little nervous about going faster and coasting!

Next appointment is tomorrow morning for ultrasound and bloodwork and IVF physical.

Progress update

We're enjoying our stay in Colorado so far! We're staying with good friends, actually one of my husband's best friends (who used to be a pastor) married us almost 10 years ago!!

Stimms are going well. I can definitely feel something going on in my ovaries :) Here's my updates so far:

Started with 2 amps menopur, 300 Gonal F daily

Day 4 (after 3 days stimms)
E2- 355, not sure about the follicle counts (instructed to lower dose but miscommunication w/nurse so did not)

Day 5- Lowered dose to 150 Gonal F (menopur remains the same)

Day 6 (after 5 days stimms)
E2- 849
13 follicles on one side, 15 on the other- but not all of these will be mature!!! Hoping for about 15 mature eggs! (largest follicles are about 13-11mm)

Instructed to keep same dose 150 gonal F and 2 menopur today and tomorrow and next appointment will be on Monday!!

We're here!!!

We made it to Colorado!!! Our flight over was smooth with no delays!
When we landed I had a voicemail from my nurse to stay on the same dose, but the dose she said was lower than what I'm at. I called the after hours nurse to clarify.... She told me to stay on the same dose and my nurse probably mid-spoke regarding my dosage. Today I found out I was supposed to lower my dose last night! So tonight I'll lower it. I'm a frustrated with my nurse... On Wednesday when she called she said "you can start stims now!" I told her I already started on Monday! She was so confused. She always seems confused when she calls me!!! I'm not very impressed! And it's a little upsetting I was not on the right dose last night! It may not matter much but I think Dr Sch like to stim slow and steady!!! Not too fast!

We had our genetics consult today. The counselor, Danielle, was very nice and explained CCS well. She was also very positive based on my age and follicle count (even given our history) So that was a nice feeling as we go into our cycle:)

DH gave his sperm back up. He says the "room" isn't as nice as our local clinic. Hee, hee!!

Next appointment is bright and early tomorrow morning!

Packing up!

We leave tomorrow!! Can't believe we're really going to Colorado for IVF. We'll be staying with some good friends the first few days. It's a nice excuse to visit them!! Actually, almost exactly a year ago we flew out to visit these same friends for their suprise birthday party. I was 5wks pregnant at the time from a FET (embryos created from our cycle from our son a in 2006). I remember thinking about CCRM while we were there since I had never been to Colorado and had consulted with them before. I never thought a year later we would have gone thru two miscarriages and another failed IVF cycle and that we'd be going to CCRM! Kinda crazy!

We fly in Thurs evening. Hopefully, I'll hear back from my nurse before our flight regarding my u/s and bloodwork tomorrow morning. I should let her know to be sure to call me before 4pm (our flight is at 410pm). I guess she can always leave a message telling me if I need to change my evening dose or not. We'll land in time for me to check it and give my shot on time.

Friday, we have two appointments... one for DH to give his backup sample and we also have the genetics consult. On Saturday and Sunday I have very early appointments which I am dreading since I have to drive from our friend's house in Ft Collins (about 1.5hrs north of CCRM). Ughh! I am NOT a morning person. Oh well. My DH leaves on Sunday evening and my mom flies in... once my mom gets here we'll stay in a hotel so that I don't have to drive so far every morning. Our original plan was to stay at our friend's house the whole time, but it's just too far. They're going out of town anyway so we won't miss out seeing them. Our friends did offer their car to us, so that will save us $$$!!

We're looking forward to our stay on Colorado. I'll be nervous to hear the fertilization report.... but that's just as we leave Colorado, so I think I can relax for the most of our stay. Then we'll be on pins and needles awaiting the embryo reports and the CCS results...I am really dreading those phone calls!! Ughh.
For now, I will be Hopeful in Colorado... :)

Finally getting started!!!

There was a little bit of drama this am.. .it took two hours of calling back and forth. Supposedly the local clinic had faxed the results yesterday, they faxed it again right away when I called this morning at 8am, but CCRM still didn't get it. Not sure who's fax machine wasn't working... but it was really frustrating. I was worried that maybe my bloodwork was not suppressed and I wouldn't have time to go in and get another blood draw and be further delayed. It all worked out in the end and I did my shot around 10am.... Yay!! We're on our way!!!

No results!!!

I never heard anything. So I finally called the on-call nurse. I guess they never got the fax! Ughh! Stupid clinic. That was the first clinic we went to (where we got bad results)...maybe they're trying to sabotage me!! The nurse on call was helpful and said I should call my clinic in the am first thing and have them fax it over and also call CCRM first thing. I should still be able to start (she said they'll even go as late as 2pm for morning stims...and readjust the next day). Hoping it all works out tomorrow. I really wanted to know for sure today...just to know!

No cysts!!

I had my baseline u/s and bloodwork this am, no cysts were seen!! Wahoo! What a relief!
Still waiting to hear from the nurse with my bloodwork results. Will update later...

Bad Omen?

If I stim for the expected 10days.... my egg retrieval will be on Friday the 13th!! Is that a bad omen?? Although, I just realized that if I had my egg retrieval on Aug 12 as originally planned I would get my fert report on Friday the 13th! I think I rather have my egg retrieval on Friday the 13th! Who knows....maybe I'll stim 11 days and avoid the 13th all together :) And on the other hand, I hope I'm even continuing with my cycle (so nervous about the possibility of a cyst and cancellation) so I'll take Friday the 13th if that's what it is!!!

AF is here!

AF started this afternoon...but not full flow. I talked with the nurse and she said I should have one day of full flow, so should wait till cycle day 2 to go to suppression check. So, I will go in on Sunday! Hoping for no cysts and bloodwork suppressed!

If all looks good, I'll start stims on Monday! One day later than I thought, but I can handle that :)

Suppression check cancelled

So, AF still hasn't shown up. I surged on July 14th (confirmed with bloodwork).... so it should be coming right? I'm crampy too...I think it'll show up today or tomorrow. I hope!!!!

I was concerned about going to my suppression check if I won't even pass...what a waste of money and time. I pay for these local u/s and bloodwork out of pocket and it's pricey!!! So I called the nurses yesterday...no response until about early evening.
The nurses said DO NOT go to suppression check until AF has come. My nurse did not make this clear at all. I was glad know and to cancel my appt for today. She said keep waiting for AF and then get checked. I am hoping it comes today!! Then, I can get checked tomorrow and start stims as scheduled for Sunday. If not, I will just have to wait day by day. The first nurse I was talking to said they only start stims on Thurs-Sun..... so that means I'd have to wait till next Thursday if I don't start this Sunday. But then another nurse chimed in and corrected her....she said they'll let me start anyday... so just wait for AF and we'll get started. I was relieved to hear that cause just a couple days delay isn't a big deal but another 5 days definitely throws off our plans. Ughh! Cycling out of town is a big stress and so frustrating!!!

Feeling Better

I snapped out of my bad mood a couple of days ago... feeling much better. Lupron is treating me ok. I've taken it before since I've done the long lupron cycle 4 times before this!!! Usually minimal SE from lupron so that's good. AF is due today or tomorrow. I think I feel it coming!!! I hope it comes or it could delay things. But I don't see why it wouldn't come, we did confirm my LH surge with bloodwork so it should be on time.... unless I miraculously get pregnant naturally!!! The other hurdle is no cysts... still a little nervous about that too! NO delays, please!!

We've been working on planning our trip in the meantime. I booked the car today and used the CCRM discount with Enterprise and got a good discount. We're staying with friends for the first few days. They live in Fort Collins which is about an hour and a half (without traffic) to CCRM!! After thinking it over some more, we'll probably stay in a hotel for rest of our stay, there's some good deals with the CCRM rate and the drive just seems like too much everyday if we stayed in Fort Collins. I think my mom would feel more comfortable if we stay in a hotel (she'll be watching my son while I'm at appts). I feel like I'd be abandoning her for a few hours if I left her in Fort Collins without a car at some people's house she doesn't know. My mom and I are looking forward to spending some time together and doing some fun things in Colorado. The zoo sounds fun for my son. Anyone have any suggestions?

Bad mood

I wasn't in the best mood this weekend, it was my DH's birthday on Saturday, we had a big party at our house. My poor DH! I was really not excited about the party at all. I don't know if it's the lupron or what but I just couldn't seem to snap out of it. I was also dreading having certain guests at the party...especially our friends that recently had their second baby. By the time the guests arrived, I was in a better mood and was friendly and happy. I felt bad cause I wasn't as friendly as I'd normally be with our friends with the newborn. I didn't talk about the baby at all and avoided any interaction with the little one. How horrible is that?

I've also been worrying that at my suppression check they'll find a cyst. I know not all cysts cause a cancellation since I've had non-functional cysts in prior IVF cycles... but there's a girl on one of the internet threads who just got cancelled due to a cyst secreting E2... and she is soo bummed. That would be soo frustrating!! I'd have to tell my manager to put me back on the schedule once again! Ughh! I have found coverage for all my shifts at this point and it took a lot of effort and stress. I hope my plans stay in place! I just don't want to wait another month + anyway. I'm ready to get this overwith!!

Lupron!!!

Got the call late this afternoon.... I was nervous to get the call, all it is is a progesterone check!!! Geez! I feel the nervousness coming already! All the stim/follicle checks and bloodwork. All the reports- how many eggs? How many mature? How many fertilized? How are they growing??????etc! It's beginning!!! I always over worry and analyze every number,etc.

So my progesterone level is 11! Greater than 5 is what they're looking for- so 10 U lupron and dexamethasone start tonight! We're on our way!!!!!! We've made our flights, sent our $$$ to CCRM, most of my meds are here, found coverage for 3 of the 5 shifts for work, I think it's all falling into place!!

Sooo much money and effort on the line! This has got to work!!
I'm hopeful but so scared!

Thyroid Drama

I've been taking melatonin along with the other supplements Dr Schoolcraft recommends for egg quality (inositol and Coq10). I started these supplements in early June. The melatonin bottle has a warning about not taking it if you have a thyroid condition. I ignored the label and took it anyway. Well, my recent TSH is elevated at 3.57!! It was below 1.0 not too long ago. So I googled about melatonin and it looks like it can elevate TSH levels. It's often used for those with hyperthyroid. Well, it definitely worked. I think that's why my cycle was so messed up last month. My cycles are NEVER that long!! and usually pretty regular within a at least 5 days or so at most. Ughh!!!
So I emailed the nurses this weekend and they said they'll ask Dr Schoolcraft about it.

Today I was emailed this note:

"After some research, we are now advising any patient that is currently taking some form of thyroid medication to stop taking melatonin. If you are not currently taking thyroid supplementation then it is okay to continue on the melatonin supplement.

Thank you for bringing this to our attention, we truly have great
patients."

I had stopped taking it last week when I had that kidney scare and then started back up just one day until I got my TSH level back and googled around... The Dr managing my thyroid upped my dose from 75mcg to 88mcg. The nurses said it's ok that my thyroid is >3.0 as long as it's <3.0 for transfer which it should be by then.

What a relief!!

I heard back from the nurse this afternoon... my creatinine level is normal, what a relief!!! I was starting to do too much googling about the possibilities of why my kidneys weren't functioning!! I'm a bit of a hypochondriac sometimes. My back is a little sore and I swore it was my kidneys!
My LH bloodwork did indeed show that I am surging. I think my LH was 59?? So I surged on cycle day 28!! What's up with these long cycles?? So it looks like I'll just get going with this ovulation...I guess there's a bright side to all this craziness!! No more waiting!!
My manager was supportive about me changing the dates, I've been calling everyone on the unit to see if anyone can cover for me. She just said worst case scenario- call in sick, but I just feel so bad leaving without my shifts being covered. It was really nice to hear my manager be so understanding. She told me to put this first and not to worry about it. Huge weights are lifted off my shoulders this evening when I found a coworker to cover a couple of the days already.

So the next steps are- next Wednesday get my progesterone checked, if it's greater than 5, start lupron! Start stims around Aug 1st :)

UGHHHHH!!!

This last day and a half has been interesting to say the least....

Since I am taking the supplements for egg quality CCRM wants me to check my kidney/liver function tests before taking them. Well, I already started taking them in early June and I let them know but they still wanted me to get the levels checked. I had the level drawn on Monday and my nurse called me yesterday to let me know my creatinine level is elevated!!! I freaked out and stopped all of the many supplements I am taking!! Then I spent much of the night googling about creatinine levels and it turns out that you should not eat meat just prior (or even 24hrs) prior to the test. Meat can falsely elevate the results. Well, I had meat (left over smoked ribs that DH cooked this weekend) and had my blood draw about 2-3 hrs after. All of the lab prep says do not eat meat before!! I had no idea!!! I hope that's the reason and I don't have some kidney problem either from one of these supplements or for some other unknown reason!! Ughhh! One more thing to worry about! I had the blood re-drawn this evening, should hopefully find out tomorrow what's going on.

I've been crampy these last day or so. Figured AF might be coming since I am on cycle day 28. But today I noticed EWCM.... so I did an OPK and it's ++++!! So late!!! Ughh! I am way off schedule. So I called my nurse after 3pm and emailed her asking her to call me. Thankfully, she called back and we talked about how I am possibly surging. I will either be another 2 weeks behind (meaning egg retrieval will be around Sep 13 or so!! and that's if I ovulate on time next month!! so probably even later!) or I can get started with this ovulation!! Since I was on my way to get blood drawn (for the creatinine level re-check) she said to check my LH too to confirm if I am surging. I will find out the result tomorrow. It would be nice to get going with this cycle, but that would mean figuring things out quick!

On Monday, I asked my manager for time off for what I thought my schedule was going to be in late August. She took me off the schedule already and found coverage for those dates. Ughh. I shouldn't have told her the dates yet, I wish I had waited for AF to tell her. Now, I have to call her tomorrow and ask her to put me back on the schedule! UGHHH! She may be annoyed about that, to top it off I may need to ask time off for early August if we get going with this cycle. I hope she's supportive. I will call everyone on our unit if I have to...someones gotta be available to help. It looks like there's just about 4 days I need to get covered and if someone will switch weekends with me I may need only 2 days off! That's not too bad!

We'll see how things go tomorrow I find out if my kidney levels are ok, find out if I am surging, talk to my manager, see if our friends in CO are ok with us coming in early Aug! Lots to figure out. Oh- and order my meds too!

Hopeful

Lately, I've been feeling so hopeful about our upcoming cycle, it's a nice feeling :) As the cycle gets closer I'm sure I'll be nervous as heck though.

I am finding so many success stories on various internet threads...where ladies barely get to blast at local clinics and get a complete turn around at CCRM. It truly is amazing what CCRM can do!! So many have been told they have egg quality issues (like me) but at CCRM- there's no issues! Dr Schoolcraft thinks our first two IVF cycles where we had terrible results were mostly due to the lab. We had dismal fertilization rates at 30% (with ICSI) and poor embryo quality and growth (we only had one 8 cell ok quality embryo) I was 29yrs at the time and we didn't even attempt to try to go to day 5. It was devastating. But with the second clinic we went to our fertilization improved to 60% and our embryos were good quality and grew much better. We were at a better clinic, probably the best in our area. It's encouraging to know we can can better results with lab change/protocol adjustments.

What is it about my eggs or our embryos as a combination that they don't grow in local labs? I asked Schoolcraft this and he didn't have an answer for me. So much of this is still unknown. We've had friends who's embryos grow perfectly locally. Why can't local labs achieve what CCRM has with their lab? I don't know enough about embryology labs, I guess. I'd like to know more, I find it so interesting. I always wished we could tour our IVF lab, but I understand how they wouldn't want anyone else in there (and netiher do I)!! I just love science and I find the whole process so fascinating!

Even though we don't know what results we will have at CCRM, I am so thankful this clinic exists.....so thankful for the hope it gives us!!

Update

My nurse got back to me later today....the final word is no BCP!! Bummer. Oh well. I hope my body cooperates. It would have been helpful if I knew when I ovulated this month (if I ovulated!). And I ran out of sticks so I didn't test today. I'm going to try to be as calm as I can and not stress over this. I am tired of stressing over the schedule. We're only doing this one more time and I am going to try to roll with the punches.
Dr Schoolcraft said I could try Saizen. I asked my nurse I'd like to know more about it. I think I'd like to try everything we can!

Just waiting....

Not much new here......just waiting. I've been doing OPKs since cycle day 15 (today is cycle day 22) and still no +OPK. Hoping I missed my surge and AF still comes on time. I am still stressing a bit about not being on BCP especially since I not sure about my cycle length lately. I asked the nurses if I could be on a progesterone only type BCP since I've read this is safe with the factor 2 mutation. I'm waiting to hear back from the doctor. I also have been seeing some CCRM ladies on saizen and meant to ask about this at my regroup but forgot. I asked the nurses about it and they said he'll offer it to patients that ask for it. I thought that was strange.... I'd like to try it if it could possibly help my egg quality. I don't know if there are any cons (besides the cost) for using it. The nurses did tell me how to induce my period last cycle, I'm thinking about doing this to assure my period arrives as scheduled. Hopefully I hear back from the nurse today...I'd be so happy if I could be on BCP. I'm pretty sure he'll say no- it seems Iike he would have offered this option when I asked a couple weeks ago.

My fortune cookie!

Whenever I open a fortune cookie, I hope it says something good that I feel like could relate to our upcoming IVF cycle. I usually get the lamest fortunes. I remember during one of our IVF cycles- like the day before our transfer it said something like "don't put all of your eggs in one basket". I wasn't sure of what to think about that one! But it didn't turn out to be a good cycle... it must have meant, "don't count on this cycle working!!!". I know, they are only stupid fortune cookies! But I was happy about my fortune I got last night-

We've been doing soo much prep for this IVF cycle to Colorado! I hope this fortune is true and it all pays off!!

No BCP!! :(

So I finally got the word that I cannot be on BCP (even in conjuction with lovenox) due to my Factor II mutation. I don't know much about the factor II mutation, I found out about it in February when I did an extensive work up at the Beer Center for Reproductive Immunology (after my second miscarriage). Dr Google says that "women who have the prothrombin mutation increase the risk of developing a DVT by about 16 times by using estrogen-containing oral contraceptives". There's a risk as well with pregnancy but not nearly as high as that! I will still be on lovenox for my entire pregnancy! I hate that stuff- it stings and it gives ugly bruises :( But of course, worth it for both my health and baby.

I asked the nurse more about planning w/o BCP and after many questions the conclusion is there's no way around it and we are at the mercy of my body!! Usually, my cycles have been fairly regular but it seems lately they are not. I am such a planner and do not like the uncertainty of my calendar. I'd like to give my work advanced notice....don't want to leave them scrambling to figure out who's going to cover my shifts. I feel really bad. I was stressing over this last night and didn't sleep too well (I think a combo of the fact that I have a cold and was coughing, runny nose). Ughh.

Trying not to stress, than I may not ovulate and then it will be worse. Plus, there is nothing I can do about it. Just hope my body cooperates and make the best of it. This is our last IVF cycle so if I end up taking more time off work than I would like and leave them scrambling, oh well, this is our last time doing this.(well besides an FET, hopefully!)

Okay, there's one more thing I am trying not to stress over- this back up sperm sample situation. I think what we're going to do is DH will come out to give his sample and then go home and come back close to egg retrieval. I asked the nurses about the possibility of giving the sample locally and shipping it to CCRM but she said most patients find that this is not worth the hassle. Well, I'd like to know what's involved in this because coming back and forth is sort of a hassle too!! Or staying for 7+ days for DH is difficult for him since he'd miss more work!! What are you all doing about the back up sample?

New Calendar!

I got my revised calendar yesterday! Of course is dependent on when AF shows up! I'm going to to OPKs to see when to expect it! My period is due around 7/18.

Aug 7: cycle day 21- progesterone check if >5 start lupron
Aug 18: u/s and bloodwork
Aug 19: start stims/lovenox
Aug 23: Travel to Denver
Aug 30: Estimated Egg retrieval

My concern about the no BCP is that the progesterone check on cycle day 21 is based on a 28 day cycle. My nurse said that since my cycles tend to be longer that it may be a few more days before my progesterone is ready. Ughh. My last cycle was 37 days- so if it's long again it's going to be even more days! This makes it difficult for travel plans, time off work plans, etc. I've always been on BCP- was on them for 5 years when first married, have been on them for every IVF cycle I have done. No issues. I am glad though that CCRM is concerned for my health/safety ....but this does not make it easy for planning. I'm really hoping that I could be on BCP along with lovenox. I asked my nurse via email- hopefully she gets back to me soon...

A little bummed...

I'm a little bummed out that we're waiting. If we weren't doing CCS it wouldn't be so bad... but I think about transferring in November and it just seems like forever. I am usually so anxious to get started, usually fairly optimistic and not too scared. But this time I am really scared. This is our last shot!! Usually we have always had another try. Our previous RE had a great shared risk program where we'd get 90% back if it failed. A lot of costs were still involved for each cycle- meds, other costs like ICSI...but it was so nice get money back and to have a back up plan. This time- no back up plan at all. Just this is it!! It's kind of nice to enjoy another month off without the pressure!

I finally go the results of our genetic testing- we decided to test for SMA and Fragile X since they recommend it for everyone. Thankfully, both are negative :)

Nothing exciting going on for our weekend. It's my weekend to work :( Hope you all have a great weekend!!

August it is!

So my hubby and I talked it over this evening. I've had this nagging feeling that we should wait, part of it is, I know I am so scared to get back into this. Cause this is it!!! My instincts also say wait for some reason. Dr Sch did say he thinks I have an egg quality issue so I am on the egg quality supplements he recommended which I started at the beginning of June... so it would give me more time on those too...that would be 3 months total. So I think we'd go out there around Aug 22 or so. Looks like the wait between egg retrieval, waiting for CCS and prepping for an FET is about 2.5 months so our transfer would be mid November. Mid November is a special time for us. My DH and I got married on November 25, our son was transferred to us as a day 3 embryo on November 30, and it's Thanksgiving time which reminds us we have a lot to be thankful for. So maybe our transfer is meant to be around this time of year...

Calendar!

I received my calendar and protocol today. I will be on the standard long lupron as I expected. I wanted to get started with this cycle, but now I look at the calendar it seems soo soon! Ahhh! Not sure if we can plan it all in time. Work is busy for me during the dates I'd have to leave since one coworker is in vacation and the other is having surgery. Since I won't be on BCP (due to clotting issues) the dates aren't as certain. Right now the calendar says I travel to Denver on July 21. We may have to wait a cycle, I really need to talk with my DH tonight. I hope to get a hold of my nurse too, since I have tons of questions now about details. Even if we wait a month... it's almost here!

Regroup update

I was excited when the nurse set up my appointment so soon after getting the day 3 bloodwork. The bloodwork just arrived today and my consult was later in the day. I was a little concerned though that the bloodwork would not be ready or that the doctor would not have a chance to have looked at my result and decided on my protocol, I did question the nurse and she said it should be fine.

Well, it didn't turn out too great... my appt was orginally at 4pm but this am they called to see if I could change it to earlier. I explained the situation with the bloodwork arriving today, etc. They said the result would be ready. So I said ok. The appt was changed to 1230. Then I realized my home phone wasn't working at 1215, so I called them to change the contact number to my cell #. Still no call at 1pm. I was afraid maybe he didn't get the message and was calling my home phone. So I called back to double check. Ughh. I guess he was just running late. So he calls at around 1:15 and I asked if he had my bloowork results (since this was the main reason I wanted to talk- about my result and protocol). He didn't have it! Ughh! So he says he call me back. He got the result and called back within 5 min. But he didn't have my protocol ready....I was appreciative of the fact that he felt he needed to take some time to decide my protocol. So I was happy with that.

I was slightly annoyed (not his fault) but that the nurses set this up for me. The whole point was to discuss my results and the protocol/plan. We ended up talking anyway and he was nice about it. I got flustered and didn't ask as may questions as I wanted to though. My FSH was 7.0, he didn't have my LH result and the E2 was 49.I mentioned how the other RE's have thought I have an egg quality issue- fragmented polar bodies with the eggs, low fert rates. He agreed I probably have an egg quality issue but it could be resolved with their lab and how the eggs are matured (timing of HCG shot) also fert rates could improve with their ICSI expertise in their lab.
I asked about the supplements-inositol, Co-Q10, melatonin...and said I have been taking them- he said it can't hurt.

I also asked about being aggressive- how our last long lupron cycle was not too great- 17 eggs (good!!), 12 mature (pretty good) but only 5!! fertilized! I was devastated. That's why my local RE was more aggressive this cycle with the MDL protocol where I got 27 eggs, 20 mature, 12 fertilized. But Dr Schoolcraft still thinks the MDL is too aggressive and getting more than 20 eggs is not a good thing. Quality is compromised when >20 eggs are retreived. So I am trying to get used to the idea of more isn't necessarily better. He said he believes we will get 5 to 6 blasts for CCS testing.
He was positive and wished me good luck. I hope to get my protocol in the next few days and get a hold of my nurse to see if I can get started this cycle or not.

Multiples

What do you all think of multiples? My friend (who I threw the baby shower for) had her twins early this week. She was just 32 weeks. The babies were about 3.5lbs and will be in the NICU for a while. The babies will be ok but it is scary. Seeing her situation definitely makes me rethink transferring 2 CCS normals (if we get there!!) Her pregnancy has been going perfectly and then all of the sudden she woke up bleeding/contractions and had pre-eclampsia. They tried to hold them in longer but her pre-e was increasing so they did a c-section the next day.

I am a pediatric nurse and I've seen the results of premature birth. It can be very sad. Of course, at the hospital, I only saw the sick ones with the worst stories...so my view is skewed. But being born premature can have life long complications. Most do ok and of course it depends on how premature they are. The thought of triplets scares me to death and at least CCS would most likely prevent the chance of that happening since we'd just transfer 2. We've transferred 3 embryos with most of my transfers and I've always been a little nervous about the chance for triplets (even though our RE said the chance was about 5%).

The idea of twins sounds so fun. And I'd love to have 2 more kids. Everyone thinks twins is so exciting and it would be fun to have something extra special. It does make me sad that my son is almost 3 and will be almost 4 (if I get pregnant!) and they are farther apart then I wanted. At least if we have twins, those 2 would be close in age and they could have a big brother to protect them.

But on the other hand- twins sounds soooo exhausting. The pregnancy doesn't sound as easy, the risks sound scary. Bedrest could be a big possibility and that would be a challenge especially with a 3 year old. Breastfeeding would be much harder with twins. Getting out of the house would be nearly impossible w/twins and my son. We'd need a bigger car for sure to fit all of the carseats. Would I be able to keep my job-handle twins and a preschooler? It would definitely be difficult.

But of course, as I know you all can relate, I will take either scenario. I will be happy with at least one baby and we will figure it out if we have twins. I would love to have three kids and one at at time would probably most ideal. But I'd love to be done with this process and if we have twins we'd definitely be done!

The new baby

We went to visit our friend's baby tonight. It wasn't too bad and I am glad I went. I cried in the car on the way home though. It's just frustrating that we have to spend all this money and go thru all of this to have a baby when it was given to them so easily. Life seems so simple for them. It's just not fair.

Cycle Day 2

I had my day 2/3 bloodwork drawn today! I went to a clinic that ships very often to CCRM and was very familiar with the process, so that was comforting. It will be very disappointing if something isn't done correctly and I have to do it again in another month! The blood will be shipped out on Monday and arrive at CCRM on Tuesday. I was surprised to hear back from one of the nurses. (I guess my nurse is not in today)... she set me up for a consult with Dr Sch already!! For next TUESDAY! I was so suprised that it was so soon. I emailed her back right away b/c my blood is arriving Tuesday...not sure if the results would be in. But she said the results should be ready (my appt is late in the day). I better get all my questions ready!! I would like to start this process with this cycle and she said I could if I am not on BCP and would have to start an antibiotic next week. It sounds like they weren't going to put me on BCP due to clotting issues- so it may be a go! But we'll see how the consult goes and what protocol I'm on. If it's the LONG lupron then I think I'd like to start with this cycle...since egg retrieval wouldn't be early Aug. If it's a shorter protocol- it may be too soon for planning. We'll see. I will be nervous to talk with Sch- I have so many questions!! I am excited though! We're finally moving along again!!

Cycle Day 1!!!

Yay! AF finally came today! Finally! I will get my cycle day 2/3 bloodwork done either tomorrow or Sat. I may go tomorrow since I think weekdays are easier at the clinic. They will freeze it and ship it out for me, so it should be pretty easy. I just pray that they do not mess it up! But the main guy at the lab said they frequently ship day 3 bloodwork to CCRM and he knew exactly what was in the kit and sounded very confident about it, so I feel like it will be in good hands.

I emailed my nurse a couple days ago asking about inducing my period. No response. I also called today and left a message letting her know I had other questions, but no response today :( I emailed this evening and I will also call again tomorrow. Hopefully I hear back this time! Ughh!