Waiting.......

Waiting for my CCS phone call. Thursday is exactly two weeks from day 6 biopsy. I think I'll really start to get nervous on Wednesday. Who knows when they'll call....maybe not even until next week!!?? I had a dream last night that I had NO normals :( I woke up and was so glad it was just a dream.

I finally talked with my DH about the FET plans (we had only conversed on email). He's okay with me going on my own. It was good to talk and be in agreement for our plans. I asked my best friend's mom if she could go with me, since my mom will be out of town on vacation and my mother in law will be home watching our son. My best friend's mom is like a second mom to me, we're really close. (my best friend passed away a few years ago). I think she was touched that I asked her. It would be nice to have someone there with me at the transfer and to help me afterward. It sounds like she can go... it all depends on the dates. Which I won't know for sure until late September.

FET in October!

I wrote DH a note today explaining why I thought it was best if I go out there on my own. He agreed this was a good idea, although I know he really wants to be there by my side during the transfer. He always has been in the past. It will be weird to be there all alone for the transfer and it may make me a little sad... but doing IVF out of state is complicated, so this may be the best option. There is a possibility that DH won't be as busy as he thought and he could fly out for the day to be there. But at least he won't have the pressure of having to go in case he's stressed at work.

Now it's just hoping we have some normals! I feel hopeful we'll at least have 2 normals... but at times I worry that we'll have none or just one. It's one week exactly today since day 6 biopsy. And two weeks exactly is my Birthday!! Ahhh! As it gets closer to the 2 week mark next week...I'll be more and more nervous awaiting the call!!

FET planning

I talked with my back up nurse, Tonie, yesterday. I love her...she is so helpful. I asked her if I could stretch out the transfer date for 2 more weeks with patches- she said "no", only up to 6 days. I asked about the FET without BCP (I did beg for BCP first!-but again answer is "no").....the date is dependent on my next AF since I cannot start patches until it has come. I also inquired about an natural FET, she said the Dr's prefer medicated for scheduling but you can do a natural FET. September is already booked up and it's a little too soon for me, even though I'm anxious to have a transfer, I am really looking forward to this break. But not tooo long of a break!

So the plan is to either wait till November with DH. Or keep my Oct 11 date and go there on my own. I think I may go on my own. I did ask Tonie if other patients do this, and she said many do. I would just need to use a service that picks me up from transfer since I would not be allowed to drive afterward. Going on my own sounds really nice, actually.... relaxing without DS...much less stressful for me which I think is really important. My DH wants to go visit our friends and we'd stay at their house and bring our DS along. Travelling with a 3yr old is not relaxing! I still have to discuss this option further with DH. I didn't bring it up last night, think I'd give that discussion a break for a couple days. Hopefully, he'll agree to it. I know he wants to be there, and has for every transfer we've done, but doing this out of state is more complicated. So, hopefully he'll agree and we can keep our transfer date!

Bummed

I heard from my nurse this evening....she gave me my date for my FET! Monday, Oct 11th!!! I thought it was a perfect date, we could go out to Colorado the weekend before and hang out with our friends who live there and then go for transfer on Monday. DH could even fly out that evening and get back to work since things will be busy for him. Talked with DH tonight and he said "no". He says he's too busy with work at that time. Ughh!

Is there any flexibility with this FET protcol? Like stretching it out two more weeks with patches? or will I just need to wait a whole month? I am soo bummed. I wish I could just go without DH, but that wouldn't feel right. I know he wants to be there. I also wish he'd be willing to fly out for just one day! But "no"! I'm going to call my nurse tomorrow to see what other options there are. Even if I could convince him to keep this transfer date, if my ovulation is late or AF is late it would push everything back a few days right? Then it would not work at all for DH anyway since he is going out of town for business. Do they ever let you do a natural FET? The other problem may be that the nurse said FET dates are booking up, so she wanted to get me on the schedule. Even if they'd let us do a natural FET, DH has other work conflict around that time! I'm afraid that transfer may not be until early/mid November... I am soo bummed.

Emotional and obsessing...

AF came today....nine days after egg retrieval. I've been super emotional and have been crying a lot these last two days and DH and I have had a few arguments! I think the huge hormone drop has taken its toll on me... I also ended up with a yeast infection (which i never get-ick!!)

At least I can look forward to talking with my nurse about my FET calendar :) Does anyone know the typical FET timeline? I probably won't be allowed to take BCP (due to factor 2)... so I'm also wondering what the protocol will look like? How much flexibility is there with the dates? Last time I did an FET we just followed my natural surge... But it was local, so it was okay but still up in the air waiting for ovulation.

I've been obsessing over my embryo grades these last few days. Realizing I have no AAs!! How significant is AA vs BB? And 3 vs 4? Does it matter that much? One more thing to worry about!! The chart on IVF connections does give me hope since it appears that many 3bbs and 4bbs can make a baby!! I am thankful for that chart, it is very encouraging... Looks like most ladies have at least half normals. And even if I ony end up with one normal, it looks like we'd have a decent chance!! Although I really really hope for at least 2-3 normals.

Feeling better...

I'm feeling soooo much better as far as the bloating goes. What a relief!!! Feeling like myself again!! I look forward to using this time off to get back in shape and lose a few of these IF pounds! I swear I've gained almost ten pounds!! Ughh!

I've had some time to absorb our results and I feel happy about it. Dr schoolcraft predicted we'd get 5-6 blasts! He really is a wizard.... he got that one right!

I was not expecting 19 fertilized embryos in the first place... Was really expecting around 12ish fertilized at most which would have given us 5-6 blasts normally. I wonder if it's a blessing we did have 19 or we'd have even less blasts?? Or if the reason we have less than average is a result of getting sooo many eggs therefore the quality of others were compromised? Who knows... Maybe i just have low quality eggs? Or it's all a result if male factor? Or a combo of the two?? I don't think we'll ever really know. I just hope and pray we get at least 2-3 normals in there!!! And we can be DONE with this. (well no matter what I think we're done anyway)!

For now, I'm waiting on AF and look forward to calling my nurse on cycle day 1 to get my calendar. Hoping we can transfer in early October?? Looks like we should recieve our CCS results around my Birthday which is exactly two weeks from day 6. Hope my Birthday wish comes true!!!!

Day 6 Results are in.....

Just got the call a little while ago.. All sorts of thoughts were going thru my head... do we have any? Will we just have 2? Will we have 12 blasts and we will be knocked out of the park? Our results were below average for what they'd expect from 19 fertilized... we have 5 high quality blasts.

Day 5:
5BA
4BB
3BB

Day 6:
4AB
3AB

A little disappointed considering we so many to start with (I was hoping for around 8 blasts) but really didn't know what to expect... We're very thankful for the ones we do have... and this is a great improvement for us considering we only made one high quality blast of 12 fertilized in our last cycle. It's not like we want many more children anyway, but it's nice to have a back up in case a transfer does not work. Also- the more you have, the more likely there are normals in there.

Now another wait begins!! I hope we have at least 2-3 normals!!

edit to add: We did have one other blast that was graded 4CC, but not quality enough for CCS testing. Also- FYI... all of our 19 embryos started dividing, 13 were >6 cells on day 3. I also asked about the other 3 immature eggs... they were too immature to do a day 2 ICSI.

Day 6: Nervous!

Today is the day! I'm really nervous to hear if any or how many made it to blast for CCS testing. This has always been our challenge, getting good quality embryos that have grown well. It could be amazing results, it could be good or okay results or could be very disappointing results. I have no idea!! The outcome today will really give us a good idea if this is going to work out for us or not.

I will be carrying my phone close by all day anxiously awaiting the call!!!!

Sooo bloated!

I've done quite a few IVF cycles now, and I have never been sooo bloated. I am not kidding when I say that I look 4-5 months pregnant. I feel ok, but the bloating is getting really annoying. I am drinking fluids like they instructed me to, eating salty foods. Actually, tired of eating junk and don't want gain weight from eating bad... like potato chips and french fries!! Well, actually I haven't been eating either of those...trying to think of healthier salty alternatives.

Is this bloating normal?? When will the bloating go down? I know it hasn't even been a week. I am trying to be patient, but this is seriously bad bloating.

It's interesting because my previous RE would put you on a fluid restriction of about 1 liter/day to prevent OHHS and instructed to only drink gatorade or propel (no water or other fluids). But everywhere else says drink a lot of fluids. So crazy about the huge difference in opinions there. I never had a problem with bloating at my previous RE. I just want this to go away!!!

Day 4: Grow embies!! Grow!!

Everyday since fertilization report I've been thinking of our embabies and where they should be at with development. Hoping a good number of them are growing strong. I love this diagram of the embryo development.... grow embies!! Grow!!

We're home!

We arrived home yesterday evening, it's nice to be home :) I was pretty happy all day considering we had a better fertilization report than we've ever had and we have so many embryos. But now the worry sets in....all of our past failures haunt me. We've had moments like this where it seems like the cycle is going perfect and most of the time it has not ended well.

I keep thinking about what Dr Schoolcraft said about >20 eggs can not be a good thing. Hoping that even though we did have a lot of eggs, somehow we'll still get good results. Hoping the lab and supplements I took make a difference for us. One thing I do think is that it was better for my egg quality to be on less total stimm drugs than my previous cycle where we got lots of eggs. For the MDL cycle, I was on 4,050 units of FSH in addition to the LH that the MDL causes you body to make as well. In previous cycles we've had better quality embryos (and one success) and been on less total amounts of stimm drugs...about 3,000 U total. With my CCRM cycle, I was on 2,700 U of drugs. Not sure if this makes a difference, but I really think my eggs were just fried for my last cycle....it was just way too aggressive. I guess, I am just trying to think of anything that may help us get better results for Thursday... I keep thinking about our last cycle..we were sooooo happy to have 12 fertilized eggs and then they were all crappy quality on day 5 except ONE (out of TWELVE). If we have the same results, we may have TWO good ones for CCS testing!!

I keep reminding myself we are at the best lab in the US... and I've been searching for stories where ladies have had >20 eggs retrieved and still had amazing results at CCRM. These stories give me so much hope.

Fertilization Report is in!!

Just got our fertilization report! Much better than my previous results!! 30 eggs, 27 mature, 19 fertilized!!! We've never had such good fertilization... our best being at 60%. They will call on Thursday with the day 6 results... the embryologist said that at least 30% should make it to blast, but hopefully more!! So far this is the best results we've ever had!! Hoping for some good quality blasts for biopsy. We're cautiously optimistic!

Egg Retrieval Update

We had 30 eggs retrieved today! I'm worried about having so many since Dr Schoolcraft told us that >20 eggs can compromise quality. I am not sure why I got soo many eggs this time. If you look at my history with the long lupron cycle, I usually got around 17 total. My most recent failed IVF cycle we did an aggressive protocol called MDL and we got 28 eggs. I was not on an agressive protocol this time, although I did start out with an aggressive dose. I wonder if the saizen contributed to my over response! And my nurse not giving me the correct insruction to drop my dose! Hopefully the saizen will help the quality, and the lab, and the supplements I took. Ughh! Hoping we end up with some good quality eggs/embryos. My E2 was 4800 yesterday.. I'm guessing around 20 mature eggs? John the embryologist said we'll hear mid morning regarding our fert report.... with so many eggs I am not as worried about this report but more worried about getting a good number of quality blasts.

Last time when we had 28 eggs, 20 were mature 12 fertilized and we only had ONE perfect blast (and it was still BFN). The rest were all crap. But of course this was at different lab. Please pray for our fert report and embryos!! Thanks for all of your comments, thoughts and prayers!!

Trigger tonight!!

I will trigger tonight at 10pm! Egg retrieval is set for 9am on Friday!!

Here's my follicle counts for this mornings ultrasound:

Left:20,19,19,18,18,17,17,17 (these are the largest of 14-16 follicles on this side)
Right:19,18,18,18,16,16,15 (these are the largest of 12-14 follicles on this side)

E2 is 4154 (from 3800 yesterday)

Stim Day 9 Update

I finally heard from the nurse it was about 6pm! She said my estrogen levels are high (3800) and they want me to take luveris (LH only) tonight, so I had to quickly drive to the clinic to go get some. They said this will nurture the follicles but not increase my E2 so much like gonal f or menopur which also has some FSH. She said my follicles would die without it (since I am coasting)! They also said they want me to do a freeze all, but we are already planning on that anyway. I have an u/s and bloodwork tomorrow. I may or may not trigger tomorrow???

Coasting!

Today I went in for another ultrasound and bloodwork after 7 days of stimming (the morning of my 8th day). The nurse thinks we'll get about 15 mature eggs. Here's my follicle sizes:

R side- 17, 16, 15, 15, 14, 13, 13
L side- 16, 15, 15, 14, 14, 14, 14, 13

There are up to 28 follicles total but the one's listed are the one's that are the largest.

E2 is 2480, so my instructions are to take 0 Gonal F tonight and 0 menopur tomorrow!!! The nurse said the follicles will still grow and I'll either trigger tomorrow or Wednesday!! I thought I'd stim slow and steady so I'm a little nervous about going faster and coasting!

Next appointment is tomorrow morning for ultrasound and bloodwork and IVF physical.

Progress update

We're enjoying our stay in Colorado so far! We're staying with good friends, actually one of my husband's best friends (who used to be a pastor) married us almost 10 years ago!!

Stimms are going well. I can definitely feel something going on in my ovaries :) Here's my updates so far:

Started with 2 amps menopur, 300 Gonal F daily

Day 4 (after 3 days stimms)
E2- 355, not sure about the follicle counts (instructed to lower dose but miscommunication w/nurse so did not)

Day 5- Lowered dose to 150 Gonal F (menopur remains the same)

Day 6 (after 5 days stimms)
E2- 849
13 follicles on one side, 15 on the other- but not all of these will be mature!!! Hoping for about 15 mature eggs! (largest follicles are about 13-11mm)

Instructed to keep same dose 150 gonal F and 2 menopur today and tomorrow and next appointment will be on Monday!!

We're here!!!

We made it to Colorado!!! Our flight over was smooth with no delays!
When we landed I had a voicemail from my nurse to stay on the same dose, but the dose she said was lower than what I'm at. I called the after hours nurse to clarify.... She told me to stay on the same dose and my nurse probably mid-spoke regarding my dosage. Today I found out I was supposed to lower my dose last night! So tonight I'll lower it. I'm a frustrated with my nurse... On Wednesday when she called she said "you can start stims now!" I told her I already started on Monday! She was so confused. She always seems confused when she calls me!!! I'm not very impressed! And it's a little upsetting I was not on the right dose last night! It may not matter much but I think Dr Sch like to stim slow and steady!!! Not too fast!

We had our genetics consult today. The counselor, Danielle, was very nice and explained CCS well. She was also very positive based on my age and follicle count (even given our history) So that was a nice feeling as we go into our cycle:)

DH gave his sperm back up. He says the "room" isn't as nice as our local clinic. Hee, hee!!

Next appointment is bright and early tomorrow morning!

Packing up!

We leave tomorrow!! Can't believe we're really going to Colorado for IVF. We'll be staying with some good friends the first few days. It's a nice excuse to visit them!! Actually, almost exactly a year ago we flew out to visit these same friends for their suprise birthday party. I was 5wks pregnant at the time from a FET (embryos created from our cycle from our son a in 2006). I remember thinking about CCRM while we were there since I had never been to Colorado and had consulted with them before. I never thought a year later we would have gone thru two miscarriages and another failed IVF cycle and that we'd be going to CCRM! Kinda crazy!

We fly in Thurs evening. Hopefully, I'll hear back from my nurse before our flight regarding my u/s and bloodwork tomorrow morning. I should let her know to be sure to call me before 4pm (our flight is at 410pm). I guess she can always leave a message telling me if I need to change my evening dose or not. We'll land in time for me to check it and give my shot on time.

Friday, we have two appointments... one for DH to give his backup sample and we also have the genetics consult. On Saturday and Sunday I have very early appointments which I am dreading since I have to drive from our friend's house in Ft Collins (about 1.5hrs north of CCRM). Ughh! I am NOT a morning person. Oh well. My DH leaves on Sunday evening and my mom flies in... once my mom gets here we'll stay in a hotel so that I don't have to drive so far every morning. Our original plan was to stay at our friend's house the whole time, but it's just too far. They're going out of town anyway so we won't miss out seeing them. Our friends did offer their car to us, so that will save us $$$!!

We're looking forward to our stay on Colorado. I'll be nervous to hear the fertilization report.... but that's just as we leave Colorado, so I think I can relax for the most of our stay. Then we'll be on pins and needles awaiting the embryo reports and the CCS results...I am really dreading those phone calls!! Ughh.
For now, I will be Hopeful in Colorado... :)

Finally getting started!!!

There was a little bit of drama this am.. .it took two hours of calling back and forth. Supposedly the local clinic had faxed the results yesterday, they faxed it again right away when I called this morning at 8am, but CCRM still didn't get it. Not sure who's fax machine wasn't working... but it was really frustrating. I was worried that maybe my bloodwork was not suppressed and I wouldn't have time to go in and get another blood draw and be further delayed. It all worked out in the end and I did my shot around 10am.... Yay!! We're on our way!!!

No results!!!

I never heard anything. So I finally called the on-call nurse. I guess they never got the fax! Ughh! Stupid clinic. That was the first clinic we went to (where we got bad results)...maybe they're trying to sabotage me!! The nurse on call was helpful and said I should call my clinic in the am first thing and have them fax it over and also call CCRM first thing. I should still be able to start (she said they'll even go as late as 2pm for morning stims...and readjust the next day). Hoping it all works out tomorrow. I really wanted to know for sure today...just to know!

No cysts!!

I had my baseline u/s and bloodwork this am, no cysts were seen!! Wahoo! What a relief!
Still waiting to hear from the nurse with my bloodwork results. Will update later...