6wks2days- waiting

Waiting for u/s which is on Friday. What scares me the most is our first miscarriage last summer where we lost a 46XY embryo. The first beta was just 41 at 14dpo... but it doubled great and was checked weekly. My local clinic at the time was not concerned about the low initial numbers since it was doubling great- normal doubling times. But at our first u/s there was no heartbeat seen. D&C showed it was 46XY... so it would have passed the CCS testing. Dr Schoolcraft thinks it was because it was slow frozen...there's a higher miscarriage rate with slow frozen embryos according to Dr Sch. The embryo was frozen on day 3 and when thawed it did have tons of dead cells. It looked dark and ugly. But why did it grow as far as it did if it was soo damaged? I'm scared that this will happen again this time. The scars are deep.

I haven't spoken to the Beer clinic since last week. I am supposed to get my hcg levels checked every three days.. I had two levels checked with them after my initial two betas at CCRM, it was reassuring. The numbers look great... but it was getting to be too nerve racking to get it checked every 3 days. What the heck would they do about it anyway? The doubling times slow down and I was obsessing to much about the numbers. They haven't called me to see why I decided not to go ahead with the IVIG and haven't called asking for my hcg levels, etc. I am trying to avoid talking to them- it was just too upsetting to hear them say I was putting my pregnancy at risk by not doing all of their treatment. Maybe I'll call them after my u/s to let them know I will not be coming back! Unfortunately, the Beer Clinic is still in the back of my mind. I have let it go for the most part and I feel at peace with my decision. But the awful things that they have said still haunt me.

I burst out into tears as I was driving this morning- mostly tears of happiness for so many of my blogging friends and ladies on the threads. Each has been thru difficult times to get where they are today- I am just so happy for all of the success that's been happening lately. It just brings so much joy to my heart. My heart does ache for those that are still struggling. It was a mixture of feelings this morning that brought on the tears.... my thoughts and prayers are with all of you thru the good times and bad.