Nervous

My ultrasound is tomorrow and I am very nervous. I have no idea what we will find in there!!!???? Will it be one, two or none? Sometimes I am rooting for both of those embies to have implanted, it would be wonderful to bring two more little ones into our family. I'd love to have three kids....I think? (gulp!) I admit that I might be a little sad if only one took. I know my betas aren't super high like many of you but it's double what I had with my son- so it's a possibility. At the same time, don't want to be disappointed if there's one- because one beautiful heartbeat would be truly amazing!!

I am also scared of seeing two heartbeats...and being totally overwhelmed and scared!! Twins does scare me in many ways! I've seen devastating results than can happen due to premature birth and other birth complications since I am a pediatric nurse- I am very well aware of the risks. The pregnancy would be more worrisome, taking care of two newborns probably born early just sounds exhausting (along with my son to add!). Life as we know it would change much more drastically than if we have one more child- I'd probably have to quit my part-time job of which I love and have worked hard for.

I go back and forth of what I hope to see in there tomorrow. And the most scary thought of all is that there is no viable life in there at all...as I've said before those miscarriage scars are deep. I do keep reminding myself that with CCS (those with a doubling beta) I've read that the miscarriage rate is just 4%. That gives me a lot of hope. And when I look at the CCS chart those statistics hold true.

I just pray tomorrow that we see at least one healthy growing bean in there... and I will be so relieved!